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The Pantomime Man

by Sue Seaman

A burly Town Crier we know has been sacked
As the Pantomime Genie - because he was fat
Unable to get through the stage's trap door
At twenty three stone (plus a little bit more)

He was so disappointed that he couldn’t appear
That he left his Genie lamp and then disappeared!
Not into thin air of that we are sure
But out of the theatre - through the stage back door.

He’d find another theatre – one where he could act
But needed to make some choices in fact
Could he play Mother Goose or Pan’s ‘Mr Smee?’
He wasn’t as agile as he once used to be.

So he hunted the Newspaper pages for jobs
Being the festive season - to earn a few bob.
He had a few phone calls from the jobs that he picked
And out came an offer as Mr Pickwick.

“Sorry” said he - though a ‘Dickens’ of a Job
As he wasn’t so desperate for his couple of bob.
He was then offered ‘Santa’ in a department store
But all day in a Grotto? Well that’s simply a bore.

“No thank you”, he said and turned that one down
And hopped on a bus and went into town.
So he strolled along to a local theatre,
And they needed someone who lived quite near there.

The Manager needed a backstage hand
And the job was so suitable for ‘Pantomime Man.’
The Manager asked why he left his last job - truthfully, see
And the Manager offered him - a nice cup of tea.

He told him the tale of the trap door escapade
How he’d been the Genie of the Lamp on a lighted stage.
But he would be pleased to take on the handyman’s role
It’s better than no job - being out on the ‘dole.’

Telling the truth is always the best
For liars and lies God in heaven detests
Always be truthful whatever the score
And you will find blessing - without the trap door.

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